Winter visit to Illinois, part 2

It's really hard to have your heart and your roots in two vastly different places. I'm so glad that I know GOD is the One who chooses our paths for us. I am confident that His wisdom, love and divine plan for His kingdom and glory determine those paths. The older I get, the more I cling to the story of Joseph - the amazing picture of God's sovereignty played out through incredible circumstances. My life isn't nearly as bizarre as Joseph's was!

Here's a photo I took of a prairie sunrise. I was staying at Mark and Janine's lovely farm.
If that looks cold, it really was! It was something ridiculous like 4 degrees.

These photos are inside their home which is to me the quintessential Midwestern farm house. It's as warm inside as it is cold outside!


Winter afternoons are perfect for walks. Here's the creek on our farm and the sun sinking over the fields.

Winter visit to Illinois, part 1

Natives of Southern California simply can NOT understand how anyone could live in a climate that has days like the one pictured at left. I guess you have to have lived it to know that it is not only do-able but beautiful and enjoyable. What you can't see in the photo is the silence and stillness - something my soul craves and can't find in the megalopolis. This photo is of our beloved barn, sporting it's new steel roof.




One thing I enjoyed during my stop at the farm last week was a walk through the prairie grasses. We had these grasses planted the year after we moved to California in hopes of accomplishing two things. The first was to provide habitat for wildlife. The second was to cut down on mowing and reduce the work and resources required to maintain the farm. The second purpose has definitely been fulfilled. As I walked through the grasses it became apparent to me that the first purpose had also been fulfilled. There were many little birds in the grasses, eating the seat heads from the forbs we had included in the seeding.

















Here are a couple shots of flower seed heads "before" being picked clean by the birds...















and "after"...

Find. Solitude. Here.

At 9 am yesterday Pete and I got in our car in tiny Teasdale, Utah and headed back to LA. We had spent the week exploring some of the most spectacular scenery on earth. Zion and Bryce National Parks one expects to be amazing and they didn't disappoint. In spite of blowing snow and a high of 24 degrees on the day we spent in Bryce, we enjoyed every minute (although I will admit I had forgotten how quickly a wind chill of single digits will suck the heat from your body). Our off-the-beaten-path jaunt down to Kodachrome Valley State Park was another amazing day. The biggest-and-the-best, however, were two things we had never heard of until shortly before our trip.

"Scenic Byway" has to be the understatement of the century when applied to Utah State Route 12. The entire route is only about 122 miles long but it took us most of a day to drive it because we kept halting to take pictures and gape in awe. The route travels through the Grand Staircase - Escalante National Monument (GSENM), a decidedly unexciting name for 1.9 million acres of the most untouched and exciting land in America. We traveled from about 4000 ft elevation to over 9100 at the summit where the aspen and ponderosa pines were shrouded in snow. I can't begin to describe the unusual geologic formations and panoramas along the way. I think this road has to be the best-kept secret in America and perhaps it's a good thing. The visitor's centers throughout the national monument are also extremely informative and well-done.

Our other big discovery was another national park that was every bit as interesting and amazing as the more famous Bryce and Zion. Capitol Reef NP is a short jaunt from where Utah Rt 12 ends. We spent an entire day on the park's scenic drive and hiking on some of the trails, getting up close and personal with geology that leaves you speechless. It was a day I will never forget.

Our accomodation for the last two nights near Capitol Reef was a cabin in Teasdale, just a few miles from the park. Teasdale is a couple miles off the highway and has a population of about 200 people. There are 2 churches and no businesses in the village (unless you count the guy who does welding in his garage and has a sign by his driveway). There was nothing primitive about the cabins, though. The best feature was the wall of windows to the southeast, looking out on a rock hill...and on the best star show you can imagine! By shoving our bed about a foot toward the windows we could lie in bed, warm and comfortable, and watch the meteors, track Jupiter's progress across the sky, bask in the moonlight, and then once the moon had set and the sky was inky dark, be amazed at the brilliance of the stars. Pete got up around 4:30 and went out back to view with the telescope while I stayed in bed and used the binoculars, taking the term "armchair astronomer" to a new (lower) level.

One of the brochures that the state of Utah publishes has this motto on the front: Find. Solitude. Here. Nothing could have spoken to my heart more - solitude is exactly what I crave and our days there delivered on the promise. For the first time I can remember, I wasn't ready to go home when vacation was over. The entire population of Wayne County, UT is around 2500 people and there are about 2450 square miles of land in the county, giving them a population density of about 1 person per square mile. In contrast, Los Angeles County has just over 10 million people and an area of 4850 square miles, giving it a population density of over 2100 people per square mile. Each square mile in LA Co has about as many people as Wayne Co has all together! I know one person in LA County that would qualify as a displaced person - one who would feel much more at home up in Wayne county. Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam...

I'm not complaining about living in LA (well, not too much). I'm very thankful for the blessings of our life here and I have a long list of them. But times like last week remind me that my roots are in a very different kind of place and that the solitude and quiet of a different kind of life are my natural habitat. Sometimes it's nice to be reminded.

Sowing in the evening

Earlier this week I had a low moment. I can't remember exactly what the catalyst was. I do remember that I was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense that investing in the lives of people seemed to cost a whole lot more than it returned. And I couldn't deny that little question niggling in the back of my mind: Is it really worth it?

In my more rational moments I realize that evaluating the returns lies totally outside of my domain. But once in a while, I can't evade the questions, "Why in the world is this so important to me? Why do I keep doing it? What would happen if I just stopped caring?"

The moment passed and I got on with life and doing the things I know really matter - building up people in the kingdom and helping glorify Jesus here on earth. I would have forgotten the incident completely except for something that happened today.

Out of the blue, an email came from someone I didn't have a close relationship with but with whom I had shared time in the Word in a fellowship setting. It has been over two years since we had seen each other and have had no contact at all since then. She shared simply and in just a few sentences that God had used our time in the Word to ignite in her a love for Him and the desire to pursue Him. And she's been doing that ever since.

As her words touched my heart a verse came to mind. The Preacher, in Ecclesiates 11:6, says this: Sow your seed in the morning and do not be idle in the evening, for you do not know whether morning or evening sowing will succeed, or whether both of them alike will be good.

The farming analogy is used in Scripture for all kinds of labor. To me this spoke of the labor of sowing the Word in people's lives (see Mark 4:14 - not the shortest verse in the Bible but a close runner-up). As I thought about the verse I thought especially about the "do not be idle in the evening" part. This is certainly the "evening" part of my life and the words encouraged me to keep on sowing and not get weary. We do not know when the sowing will succeed. I had no idea that the seed was growing and bearing fruit in this dear sister's heart. The Lord, for purposes of His own, decided to encourage my faith by letting me see a tiny glimpse. For that I am thankful and by that, I am humbled.

Clueless

When the kids were little I noticed that occasionally my response to their needs was anger. I had to think about this and realized that my anger wasn't directed at them but stemmed rather from a sense of helplessness - I didn't know what to do about a particular situation and that made me angry. Lately I've been facing a situation where I don't know what to do and find that once again, it makes me angry. I suppose I could psychoanalyze myself and try to figure out why I have the need to "know what to do" in every situation. I thought it might be more helpful, though, to just skip the analysis for now and get right to the what-should-I-do-about-not-knowing-what-to-do? If that makes any sense.

As always, the Lord was there waiting for me with His answer. I was reading and studying Psalm 78 this morning. The Psalmist is recounting God's dealings with Israel - His grace and provision and miraculous deliverance of them. Sadly, in vs. 32 it says "In spite of all this they still sinned, and did not believe in His wonderful works." The lesson from the Psalm is, it doesn't matter if I don't know what to do. The point is, do I believe in and trust in His sovereign work in the situation, based on His wonderful works in the past? Keil & Delitzsch comment: "They tempted God by unbelievingly and defiantly demanding instead of trustfully hoping and praying. Instead of allowing the miracles hitherto wrought to work faith in them, they made the miracles themselves the starting point of fresh doubts."

I was reminded of Jehoshaphat in 2 Chron 20. The sons of Moab and of Ammon, together with some of the Meunites, came to make war against Jehoshaphat. His response is a model for me. "Jehoshaphat was afraid and turned his attention to seek the Lord." In vs. 12 the following words jumped off the page at me: "O our God, will You not judge them? For we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us, nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on You." Wow. Powerless and clueless. But his eyes were on the Lord.

My mental cross-referencing immediately brought Jeremiah 17 to mind: "Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind...and whose heart turns away from the Lord." And Psalm 123: "As the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master...so our eyes look to the Lord our God." It's not about knowing what to do, it's about walking in faith, fixing my eyes on Him. How often in the past has God miraculously worked and shown His faithfulness. He's the same today and will be just as sufficient today. I would hate to have "did not believe in His wonderful works" as the sub-title to this chapter of my life. Clueless is ok - unbelieving is not.

Agenda

I tend to take life for granted. Most days see me getting up and getting on about life's business without a whole lot of conscious reflection about the meaning of it all. Recent internal and external circumstances, however, have kind of pushed that slumbering question to the surface again. And I've been thinking about it. "It" being the meaning of life. Or in my case, my life.

I won't bore you with the whole progression of my thoughts but I will put down a few of the conclusions I've reached.

1. It's not about me. One of those paradoxes of life but there it is. It's my life but it's definitely not about me. What a sentence of futility it would be, to be limited to my self. It's the grain of wheat falling into the earth and dying, so that it doesn't remain by itself alone. John 12:24

2. Every morning that I wake up is an invitation. It is an invitation to experience forgiveness and mercy. I arrive at this by backwards reasoning: "For I, the Lord, do not change; therefore you, O sons of Jacob, are not consumed." Malachi 3:6 and "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning." Lamentations 3:22,23 As long as I am on this earth I will fall short of the glory of God and be in need of grace and forgiveness. As long as He gives me life, He has not placed me beyond the reach of His grace. By granting me the breath to wake up, God is granting me the invitation to drink deeply of His grace. Today.

3. My job each day is to learn to have a heart of wisdom. This one I also arrived at by backwards reasoning. "So teach me hourly to contemplate the fleeting character and brevity of my lifetime, that I may present to You a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12 If a heart of wisdom is what I need to have at the end of my life, then it logically follows that the minutes and hours of this day should do something towards arriving at that.

Get over myself. Drink deeply of His grace. Pursue a heart of wisdom. That's the agenda, today and every day. Nice and simple.

Tender Father of the Old Testament

Lately in my quiet time I've been reviewing and meditating on old verses that I have memorized down through the years. This is kind of like opening a jewelry box and once again studying the beautiful treasures I have in it. I don't review them often enough but fortunately, most of them are still there. Today I was stopped dead in my reviewing tracks as the truth of two of the verses overwhelmed me once again. The first one is a short passage from Hosea, chapter 11, verses 3 and 4 (God speaking): Yet it is I who taught Ephraim (I substituted my name here) to walk, I took them in My arms; but they did not know that I healed them. I led them with cords of a man, with bonds of love, and I became to them as one who lifts the yoke from their jaws, and I bent down and fed them."

Recently I was in a group where someone said that the God of the Old Testament was so cruel that this person didn't really even want to read the OT. I'm not sure we're reading the same OT because the God I see here is one of incredible -to me unfathomable- tenderness, patience and love. I am staggered by the picture of God we have here. Having just been through the weeks of seeing our grandson learn to walk I know with what tenderness one watches over the stumbling steps of the child. Here I see God watching over me and taking me in HIS arms, taking care lest I stumble and fall. Then He says He leads me/us with cords of man, perhaps a picture we don't understand so well. In Psalm 32:9 we see the unwilling, unmaneageable horse and mule being led with ropes but being led with cords of man is much different from that. It means being led like a loving parent would help a child over rough terrain, especially one uncertain on it's feet. The image of lifting a joke from the jaws is also a strange one to our ears. Keil and Delitzsch explain it thus: As merciful masters lift up the yoke upon the cheeks of their oxen, i.e. push it so far back that the animals can eat their food in comfort, so the Lord made the yoke of the law both soft and light. God then says that He "bends down and feeds us" or as K&D so beautifully translate the Hebrew, "and gently towards him did I give food."

My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude that I can know and follow a God who cares for me so gently, lovingly, patiently. May our hearts be moved to reciprocate His love and give Him our willing obedience.

The second verse I was awed at today will have to wait for another posting. Too much of a good thing to put both in one!